What kids need to know about parents addicted to
drugs or alcohol?
Our country is surrounded by drug epidemic and the families are still
struggling with the grips of addiction. Many children in our country are living
in this reality with parents dealing with drug addiction and prescription
medication abuse. The problem is so prevalent in the United States that according
to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services 1 in 4 children is exposed to
alcohol abuse or dependence in the family.
It was one of the most difficult conversations I have had in my
work as an addiction doctor and psychiatrist to talk to kids and try to explain
them why their parents are challenged by addiction or convincing them that
their parent has to go away for treatment or separating from the family. It got
even worse, when a parent has passed away because of an overdose. It will break
anyone's heart to have such a conversation with a child.
It’s been a decade I've been treating families dealing with a
loved one's addiction and it is important to address how children with parent
with a substance use disorder can affect them. The affected children often
experience emotional or physical abuse and neglect lack of boundaries, domestic
violence, or inconsistent messages about right and wrong. These kids can also
be predisposed to behavioral problems and to abusing drugs or alcohol
themselves. If we do not deal properly, these innocent children could also have
problems in school or social relationships.
However, in my experience, the good side is that these kids can
overcome the damage from a flawed environment with help. Here are some of the
steps I’ve seen be most effective in my work at Center for Network Therapy:
1. Help Children Understand That
Addiction Is a Disease.
Children very well know that things are not normal, but they may
be confused. They need to understand and accept the fact that their parent is
"sick" with a disease – alcoholism or addiction to drugs – which will
help them make sense of their parent's behavior. What I have learned and known in
my years in treating addiction is that a child having insight into their
parent's behavior will add to their resilience.
2. Remind Children that it's Not Their
Fault.
Children are innocent and tend to blame themselves for their
parent's behavior when they hear their parents statements that blame them for
things being the way they are – for example, "If only I could have some
peace and quiet, I would not feel the need to drink." It’s
crucial to let children know, that their parents' addiction is not their fault.
3. Let Children Know They Are Not Alone.
I've often seen children of people with addiction do learn to
avoid speaking honestly, and to discount, minimize and rationalize their
feelings. They need to understand that they are not alone and that it's OK to
feel the way they feel, but they should definitely share their feelings and
learn to express their feelings appropriately, including anger. Repressing
their feelings could eventually lead to behavioral problems.
4. Teach
Children to Solve Problems.
Children who live with parents suffering from addiction are left
to fend for themselves. They may sometimes come back to an empty home or have
to fix a meal for themselves, and sometimes they may face neglect. It is very
important to educate these children about the range of options available to
them so as to better cope with their situation.
5. Link Children to Supportive People
and Support Groups.
It is important to identify and then connect these children to
significant people in their lives who can provide a sense of belonging and
acceptance. Such people can help the child not to get distracted and act out a
survival role. It could be anyone a grandparent, an uncle or an aunt. Linking
them to support groups such as Alateen may also be helpful.
6. Help
a Child Be a Child.
Children whose parent(s) suffer from substance use disorders often
grow up quickly. However, a child would not be an adult and he or she needs an all
the opportunity to have fun and act like a kid. Anything you can do to keep
these children busy and laughing gives them a sense of normalcy. It lets them
know there's more to life than their experiences behind closed doors.
Providing children trapped in families dealing with addiction a
chance to heal is one of the best gifts they can receive at that point in their
lives. The above tips can be a great help these children overcome their circumstances
and eventually lead normal lives.
